2005-09-21 - 8:13 p.m.

for as long as i can remember, september has been a time of change... endings and beginnings. and it's not just because i have always either been attending school, working in a school, or both. and most of it has to do with relationships.

september 1999. my boyfriend of four years and i break up for the second (and last, sorta) time.

september 2000. return to college after a semester in africa. start "officially" dating someone i met at my summer job.

september 2001. start first full-time post-college job. move into first apartment. start grad school. start first sense of panic. aforementioned summer fling and i haven't spoken in maybe three weeks. september 11th happens. i am in NY. this causes us to finally speak. we break up. enter long single streak.

september 2002. hook up with friend from work at my housewarming party. this escalates into ten month long drama.

september 2003. i talk obsessively with a long-distance friend of five years with whom i had one physical encounter two weeks ago. start new job. feel like i have a "career" now. almost. a new teacher catches my eye. i don't even know his name, but i am transfixed.

september 2004. someone i went to college with but never really knew sends me an intriguing email. we begin emailing almost daily for six weeks. an intense three-day-long first date turns into what is probably the best three months ever.

september 2005. have had my heart broken twice in seven months (see "someone i went to college with, 2004" followed by "new teacher, 2003"). am living on my own for the first time. get back test results that tell me i do not have cancer. miss both recent exes tremendously. have long-distance ridiculous conversations and future plans with one, and drunken reminiscent night with other.

only problem is, there are only 8 days left of september, and i don't know what transition or change this is supposed to be....

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